In Which Noelle Discusses Her Top 10 Favorite Candy Bars

STOP IT!

Right now.

I feel you judging me for the title of this post.  And for having a whole post about candy in the first place.  But if we are to be friends (and I hope we are), you must understand something.

I LOVE CANDY!

Okay now on to the list.*

10) Rock Candy

Now a very sad story accompanies this choice.  I first had rock candy in science class in fifth grade.  Years later, I remembered it as being sweet and delicious!  So a while back (I won’t say how long, because it was too recent to be appropriate), I was playing the piano when I heard my sweet tooth calling me.  I looked up at the top of the piano and saw a whole bowl of rock candy just sitting there, invitingly.  I got a fingerfull and tossed it back.  Immediately I felt my sinuses clearing, my throat fill with fumes, and my brain ached like someone had taken a Brillo pad to it.  I hastily spit out the candy imposter.

What’s the lesson here?  Sniff before you suck!  It just might be potpourri.

9) Cotton Candy

Most of us have been to the circus at some point in our childhoods..and screamed with horror when some clown came up to us waving a rubber chicken, juggling balls, or squirting a fake flower. (Now that I think of it, a lot of what goes on in a circus sounds a little sketchy and dirty).  And I know I can’t be the only one who would cry with fear, only to be soothed with the sweet comforting plasticky taste of cotton candy being shoved lovingly in my mouth.  Aaah….meeeeeemorieeees! Like the corners of my–sorry, NEXT!

8) Gumballs

*sigh* I remember going to the grocery store when I was a child, sneaking away from the register when my mom was checking out, and desperately turning the handle of the machine, hoping some clueless (aka stupid) child by some miracle had left a quarter in the machine and that when I would turn it, unicorns and rainbows would fill the heavens and a gumball would drop into my shaking, waiting hand.

I’m still waiting for that day.

7) Smarties

There is a certain way you have to eat Smarties, that all professional Smartie eaters know.  Lightest, least flavorful colors to darkest, most rich flavor.  That’s it.

6) Skittles

Skittles are like the hipster M&M! Rainbows and quirkiness!

5) Payday

Nuts AND caramel!!!! Oh glory!  Although, the day they make this with candied pecans…let me stop, I’m drooling on my keyboard.

4) Gummy Bears

First you eats the head, then you eats the feets, then you gobble them all up, cuz they’s sweet!

3) Sour Gummy Worms

Look! There’s an N hidden!

Now the less educated candy connoisseur might think that this is too similar to gummy bears…you know…all the gumminess. But there is a HUGE difference–the least of which being the tart flavor.  Now there are two schools of thought, one of which says you should suck off all of the sugary tart flavor before consuming, then other that you should pop it all in your mouth and make the classic tart face of ecstasy while you chew.

She just learned how babies are made

Either way, you will enjoy them.

2) Werther’s Original Caramels

Have you seen those commercials where those grown women eat a Werther’s and have fantasies (supposedly) of their childhood, going into a candy shop that sells nothing but caramel’s and is run by a chipper individual I like to call Skinny Santa.

This shop is real.  I visit it nightly.

In my dreams.

1) And the winner is……..

Tom Hardy!!!

And before anyone raises their eyebrow at me, look at that man and tell me you wouldn’t like to have him as YOUR after dinner treat.

Mmmmmm….delicioso!

xoxo,

Noelle

*Those who know me might be blown away by the fact that there isn’t a hint of chocolate on this list.  This is for a reason that ALL chocolate would be number one if I included it.  It just wouldn’t be a fair competition for the others.

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