In Which Noelle Questions The Future

“Run towards the fear.”

He paused, waiting for it to sink in, waiting for the epiphany to wash over me, waiting for the light.  I smiled and offered up a few pleasantries about how profound it was, and we parted; veering off to our corners of the parking lot.

He was wrong.  It hadn’t sunk in for me, at least not yet.  Not until I was a few miles down the highway, speeding past the semis and pick-up trucks, that I realized.

I am unhappy.  And I have the power to make myself happy.

I know what the fear is.  It’s name is legion.  Fear of failing. Fear of being alone.  Fear of never being chosen. Fear of settling. Fear of never being fulfilled.  Fear of never accomplishing anything meaningful.  Fear of shame.  Fear of saying the wrong thing.  Fear of saying the right thing too late.  Fear of disappointing people I love.  Fear of disappointing myself.

I took a step towards the fear on Saturday.  I faced the fear of being alone, and it didn’t break me.  On the contrary, I feel stronger.  I know that there are so many amazing things ahead of me, and so many people out there in the world that I have yet to meet.

I have rarely felt so lost…or so hopeful.




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